Thursday's meltdown was especially juicy. I was on a manic cleaning spree, because I became enraged at how disgusting my place constantly is because I have no time to clean and we're always messing up the place, and I just collapsed on the bathroom floor and started sobbing. Wailing, actually. And Cool Dorky Guy was here for this. I started the cleaning spree as soon as I got home from work, then he came here when he was off, just intending to hang out for a bit then take off for the gym or something, and I was flying around the apartment all like "I will be with you in a bit, I need to finish this." So he went out for a smoke, and came back in to wailing from the bathroom. I emerged to him just kinda lingering hesitantly in the hall. Then we talked about my problem and I felt a bit better... but then I completely panicked at the thought of him leaving me in my fragile state, so he ended up spending the night.
Then today's meltdown was just me freaking out because sometimes I feel like Capital City Guy is trying to be in my life too much. The whole "no time to myself" problem again. We were going to go shopping downtown, then I had a freakout and cancelled, then I had another freakout and called him back asking if I could cancel my cancellation. I am in some kind of fragile mental state, man. And despite what he says, I have a feeling that Cool Dorky Guy is starting to think I am several kinds of unstable. I mean, his last girlfriend was a basketcase and he's not exactly a pillar of emotional strength himself, but I worry that my constant breakdowns infront of him make me seem crazier than I am. Because supposedly one of the things he really likes about me is how sane I am. But I'm not so sure that's true. But yeah, he was here for my freakouts today as well. He left when I left to go meet up with Capital City Guy. What an unhealthy relationship this is probably becoming.
Oh, but life goes on. I'm sure things will get better. They can't get a whole lot worse.