I spent a fair amount of this weekend with him. Which is both good and bad, because my anxiety has been acting up something fierce and I had two breakdowns/freakouts infront of him, without it phasing him much. He was very very loving and supportive, gave me the room I needed when I needed it but was also right there for me when I needed it too. He handled it very well. I was impressed, but also embarassed because I wish I hadn't done that infront of him. I really prefer freaking out alone, for the most part.

I spent most of Sunday by myself, because Cool Dorky Guy was moving his sister into his apartment. I did end up meeting his sister and his mom on Friday when they dropped off some stuff at his place, though. And it didn't go tragically, so this is good. But yeah, he was busy and I was supposed to call up Capital City Guy to hang out with him, since I blew him off Saturday night in favour of my new man, but instead I ended up napping on and off throughout the day and didn't call him until 4. At which time he had already made other plans. Understandable, but he was kinda mean about it. Or at least not as nice as he could have been. He had given me the impression before that he would have preferred doing something in the evening anyway, and I can't help the fact that I just passed out cold for so long because all the panic attacks I've been having have been quite draining. So, yeah, this kinda set me off again, and I started freaking out about being alone.

I crashed out cold again at 7:30, then woke up around midnight... Discovered a really sweet voicemail Cool Dorky Guy had left me, and also that he was on MSN because he couldn't sleep. Mixed feelings about his sister moving in, and also filled with a certain amount of miss for me, despite it having only been about 14 hours since we last saw eachother. So after us chatting for a while, discussing our anxieties, he was like "If you don't want to be alone right now, I can come over. I don't want to be alone either." So at 1 in the morning, in the pouring rain, the guy walked here to come spend the night with me. I hope you're all "Awwww!"-ing right now! And making up Team Cool Dorky Guy t-shirts and banners! Because goddamn, I'm not used to this kind of stuff. And part of me really believes I deserve a guy this awesome. And this guy is FUCKING awesome.

And, like... okay, I can count one one hand the number of times I felt that having sex qualified as this somewhat mythical "making love" that people refer to but... that is exactly what we ended up doing. And I just have to say, at the risk of sounding cheesy... it was beautiful. Magical, even. *sigh* So nice.

So... yeah. Tonight I'm supposedly hanging out with Capital City Guy but, of course, I don't really want to. Especially after our collective freakouts on the phone yesterday. But at the same time... maintaining our friendship remains very very important to me. So I'll just hang out until he gets off work, then see if he contacts me. Then Cool Dorky Guy asked me to spend the night with him again, at his place... and unless I'm just absolutely too dead to make it there, I will. Because there is something just beyond words about waking up next to that boy. It just starts my day off so right.

Anyways, I'm sure you're all throwing up now, so I'll leave you to it. I'll likely have another nauseating entry again soon.