My life is a whole new variety of complicated lately. Things with Cool Dorky Guy... oh man. There is such a connection there. We share similar views, including how we feel that depressed people are more intelligent and have a firmer grasp of reality than those who aren't. I'm not sure if I've ever had someone agree with me on that before, and he's actually the one who brought it up. We're getting along really well. But there's a lot of sexual tension there that is getting increasingly increasingly hard to fight but we are, because he's still with his girlfriend and struggling with that. He's commented on how much he's in shock of his own self control around me, but when we parted just now he had this expression on his face like he was going to kiss me. And goddamn I would have gone for it, but instead I just stepped away, said "It's been fun, thanks! I'll see you soon." and we walked away from eachother. But goddamn. Goddamn. This is a whole new level of sexual tension.

WHOLE NEW LOW WITH CAPITAL CITY GUY! I don't know how much I feel like talking about this now, because I've already told every man and his dog this story but... Okay, him and I made up and were good friends again for, like, 2 days this week. Then on Friday I was hanging out at his place, had already asked if it was okay if I crashed on his couch, because I didn't want to walk home in this sketchtacular neighbourhood and when I was feeling so tired and also had my fucking computer and stuff with me. Meanwhile, for a large portion of the evening, Hobo had been texting him, while high on E. She had also left her keys at her ex-boyfriend's apartment, where she essentially although not officially, lives and couldn't get ahold of him. Meanwhile she's at a bar with some friends, high on E like I just said. So he tells her to grab a cab to his place and spend the night there, since she couldn't go home. AND THEN! AND THEN! He tells the barely awake, already crashed out on his couch me to leave, at 1:00 in the morning. It would be "weird" if I stayed. He's lucky I didn't completely trash the place on my way out. I was possibly the most pissed off I have ever been at him. Still am. It sure ain't fading.

Then Hobo sent me a couple of messages on Facebook... one while still clearly high, because it was at, like, 3am and the other one around noon. They both had different tones to them. Basically she was apologising for Capital City Guy throwing me out in the middle of the night just to babysit her drugged up ass. But she was also like "I know you're pissed off that he made me his first priority..." UUHHHHH... That did it, man. That one part of a sentence completely did me in. Fuck him and fuck her, they'll make a delightfully idiotic couple together.

Anyways... I'm all kinds of frustrated right now. But oh, Cool Dorky Guy. So sweet, so torn up inside, so intelligent, so... gaaahhh. And I'm just so pissed off at Capital City Guy. After all this shit he's been spoonfeeding me this past week about how I'm still his favourite person, his best friend, he always wants to help me out... Maybe it's because I don't need his help as much as that fuck up dead beat Hobo does but... I sure don't feel like I'm getting anything from him. He sent me a text yesterday about how he wants to call me today and talk about it but... I really don't give a good goddamn. If he doesn't call me, well that just continues to say a lot about what kind of person he is. And if he does call... depending on how I feel, I may or may not answer. And if I do answer, he's probably going to get a good ol' piece of my mind.

I'm just fucking lucky that I'm as independent as I am. Cuz you really can't count on anybody.