Quick lunch break entry. I found out last night that Capital City Guy is screwing around with that idiot female friend of his. The one with the boyfriend in Cali, the one who is currently unemployed and homeless and a fuck up. He invited me to hang out last night and as soon as I got to his place, I saw the hickey on his neck. And... I just knew. And I called him on it. And he confessed. I highly suspected it before. And... yeah. So since then I've been going through the 7 stages of grief, pretty much. Up and down emotions, from happiness for him, to relief because now I know for sure, from anger at feeling lied to and betrayed, to sadness at knowing he's finally not mine anymomre, to disgust at the fact that she has a fucking boyfriend and this just looks really horrible on both of them that they're doing this.

Ugggh, I was still teary half the morning at work but got over it, now it's starting up again while writing this and I gotta head back in a couple minutes. Fuck my life. Fuck my girlish emotions. Fuck the fact that everything in my existance right now is completely going to hell.

I'm not upset that he's fooling around. I've fooled around too. Not lately, mind you... but that might change, like, IMMEDIATELY because I feel all rebound-y now. And I know he's gone on dates with other girls and I haven't minded too much. But THIS CHICK.... (!!!!) I think I've made it pretty clear that I haven't been impressed with anything I've seen of her. And I'll be goddamned if I'm going to let him get dragged down by someone even more messed up than I am. And I'm pretty fucking messed up, as I'm sure you'll agree. Just... no. She's very annoying and very messed up and seems to have no problem just sponging off of people as long as she can. Capital City Guy happens to have a fair amount of money and a big ol' fucking heart (sometimes) so... yeah. Potential for disaster. During one of my more sane moments last night with him I said "If she fucking hurts you or takes advantage of you in any way, I'm fucking hunting her down and kicking her ass. Make sure she knows that." And I don't fucking care. If he ever has a group hangout again when she's there, I'm not going to be there. For several reasons. And... yeah.

So my life continues to get more and more shitty... work is fucking wearing me down still too. I need to get away so badly. So fucking badly. Uggggh... I dunno. I dunno. All I know is I'm getting shitfaced tonight and I'm going to wake up tomorrow and feel slightly better about this.