So this weekend was a little sad. Capital City Guy was not his usual self... Apparently he hung out with that chick and a bunch of her friends again Saturday night. I was not invited this time, of course. Just like before. Not that I care, and it was probably because I told him I thought she was annoying on Friday night... heh. But for him to want to completely surround himself with people two evenings in a row... out of character. Although I know he's just doing this because he's depressed about work and he's all "Well if I'm not excelling at work anymore... at least I'm super super popular and have lots of friends!" Nevermind the fact that when this one chick friend of his was away for 5 weeks, he didn't have any contact with any of the rest of these people. Clearly they only hang out with him because of her.

So I started to feel a little bitter this weekend about the amount of shit I have put up with from Capital City Guy. I mean, he puts up with shit from me too, but a completely different kind. I mean about how I often feel like a consolation prize. Seriously, the 5 weeks this chick was gone, Capital City Guy and I got along so well and our friendship was just perfect. She shows her ugly face in town again and all of a sudden there's this tension between us. This feeling like he doesn't really want me around. I mean, I realize she's been gone for a while and he wants to hang with her but this is also what it was like before she left. She's more socialable than me, she brings friends around which I don't... and yeah. The choice is a clear one, right? I mean, at least for "normal" people. And lord knows Capital City Guy is so "normal". He sure does like to try, at least.

Oh, and The Male... "Did you have a good time Friday night? My friends are pretty great, eh?" "Uh... it was alright." "I'm glad you went and had a good time!" "Uh... I didn't say I had a good time, I said it was alright. Why do you care if I do stuff anyway?" That was about the time I lost him. See? NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME! He's always going on about how he understands me, but he clearly doesn't. Apparently also this chicky was talking to him about me. "She said you were pretty quiet, but she's quiet around people she doesn't know too, so she understood." DO I CARE?!?!? No. No I don't.

So I'm all discouraged and, like, in an "I'm alone in this world" state of mind. This past week has been a really hard one for me, emotionally. I just haven't handled it well... What with my complete meltdown on Wednesday and my extreme frazzledness all day Thursday and my weekend spent lashing out at and then withdrawing from everyone. I dunno. I dunno. Sometimes I think I was just dealt the shittiest hand of cards in terms of how my brain works. I clearly don't think and function the way I should. I'd like to think I make the best of my situation but... I dunno. It hurts. Life just really really sucks.

Anyways... ugh, I gotta get up in an hour and a half for work. I'd like a tiny bit more sleep before then. So... yeah. Talk to you later.