So I've been experiencing a roller coaster of emotions in terms of how I feel about my new living situation. In a way, me alone in a (semi-)expensive two bedroom apartment = the worst thing I could possibly ever do to myself, emotionally and financially. I mean, I know this isn't forever, unless it somehow magically works out very very well... but even in this less than a week I've gotten very much into a bad headspace. I dunno, I dunno. But in another way it's good because I'm not afraid to use the kitchen anymore. I've actually kinda been cooking and stuff. And I can sit in the living room like a normal person. And I can sing and dance and run around naked. So I dunno. It's both a good and bad situation.

Work is a sad state of affairs. The work flow has slowed down drastically, meaning a good number of people have been told not to come in. Not too long ago, I would have been one of those people. But now being backup supervisor I'm pretty much guaranteed full hours all the time, unless there is aaaaabsolutely nothing to do. I felt surprisingly unbelievably shitty about that yesterday, being one of three people who were allowed to come to work, and working my full 8 hour shift. I actually really would have preferred to work a half day and have one more person in there. Doesn't seem right somehow. Today was a bit better, the Cool Dorky Guy who I'm starting to befriend was in, and Cute Emo Boy came in around 10... I have a feeling he was called in later when the supervisor realized there weren't enough people. I used to trail those two in terms of seniority. It was weird yesterday working without either of them there.

I'm supervising tomorrow and Friday. Yeah, you know, it's seriously looking like this is a permanent thing now. I'm not impressed. If the manager had told me when she offered me this position that it would be supervising two days of every week, I very likely would have said no. But I was told it was just going to be when both the supervisor and backup supervisor were away. But it seems like the backup supervisor just flat out doesn't want to supervise anymore so... there I am. Maybe I'll learn to like it, but I doubt it. It's extra stress, extra bullshit... not looking forward to the next couple days. At least there will be fewer people to supervise, though.

I'm starting to get the impression that one of the reasons why Cute Emo Boy keeps getting progressively colder towards me is because of this whole supervisor thing. Even though he said he probably wouldn't have taken it if they offered it to him, and I told him that they would have chosen him over me if it weren't for the fact that he goes to school and therefore lacks full availability... yeah, I get a feeling he resents the whole thing. I never talk about my supervising though. I never act holier than thou, I never do anything to rub it in his face. I dunno, I think the guy is just like me in the sense that he searches for things to be miserable about. He started getting really bad around the time he moved out of his parents' place, and it just keeps getting worse. I know I said I was going to move on from him but... it's hard when I see him, like, every day and there's no one else in my life right now to distract me. I still really really like him. I wish something would happen with us again. We had a really good thing going for a while there.

My new bed is very comfy, by the way. I've been sleeping better, I know, but at the same time I don't feel any more well rested. Meh, that could be for a lot of reasons, though. But yes, I really like the bed. I'm looking forward to crawling back into it very soon.

Okay, this has gotten long enough. Talk to you later.