So, yeah... wow, Roomie is an asshole. He has unofficially moved now... as in he left today to go start his new job and is coming back next weekend to get his stuff. However, he's left the place in a fuckin' mess... some stuff is packed, some isn't... he packed the fuckin' microwave which I kinda fucking need cuz I'm not getting mine until next weekend and it's pretty much the only way I cook... he locked his old/MY NEW bedroom despite the fact that I know there's not a whole lot left in there... EXCEPT FOR THE BED THAT I'M BUYING OFF OF HIM. I was just WTF-ing all over the place when I was wandering around the apartment just now. Way to ruin my plans for the week, jagoff... I was gonna start moving my stuff into my new room.

So I apparently somewhat misinterpretted Capital City Guy... he's not cutting me out of his life completely (at least not yet...), he just thinks we need to cool it because... well, even though I never flat out said it in here, I'm pretty sure you all figured out that him and I were pretty much an item again. So we're going to try the "Strictly friends and nothing else but friends... and maybe it'll actually work this time..." thing again. In the past he has said that he doesn't think we're capable of being just friends but I dunno. I think we can be friends if we try. So last night I went out with him and the Cute Awkward Guy... we went to see a Pink Floyd coverband who were really good, then went to see strippers. It was fun. And he was commenting on how hot the strippers were and drooling more than I've seen him do at the strip bar before... I dunno if he's trying to over compensate or what.

I can't stop being frustrated over Cute Emo Boy. Always so hot and cold. And, of course, since Capital City Guy and I are over again I'm all, like, really really REALLY wanting Cute Emo Boy. Considering my interactions with men was pretty much zero until the age of 22, I sure do have this unreasonable feeling of instant death if I don't have a guy to cling to. And he just happens to be there, he may still have an interest in me (though it's hard to tell with how hot and cold he is), and he worked pretty well for clinging to last time things went bad with Capital City Guy.

Ha. Aw man, I've seriously become this person that I don't even recognize anymore. But I've just developed this huge huge fear of being alone and being unloved. It's pretty sad.