Everytime I Think I'm Out, They Pull Me Back In

Okay so apparently it's NOT DONE with Capital City Guy... he's still determined to get back together and apparently there's a part of me that wants to because I keep listening to what he has to say. I went over to his place Monday night and we had an incredibly emotional conversation and I saw him cry for the first time. Which sent me over the edge. I bawled. I know you all think he did that to manipulate me or whatever, but I believe he did that because he's just really sorry and sad about what's happened. That's not to say we're back together and happy because oh hellz no. I still really don't think there's any possibility of that happening... I've changed rapidly as a person, this is one of the things we discussed, and I just don't think I can be with him anymore.

Plus, and this isn't something I discussed with him but... I'm enough of a believer in fate that I think Cute Emo Boy was placed in my life to keep me from going back to Capital City Guy right now. The day I was just overcome with the urge to ask him out, and how well things have been going with us... I don't think it's a coincidence.

And yes, we still really like Cute Emo Boy. We hung out Sunday evening, watched a movie and had some adult fun. The best part was afterwards when we were just sitting there naked talking about the absolute dumbest shit possible... it was great. I really like him, and he says awesome things. I've been, like, fucking crazy the past couple days because of Capital City Guy and he's just been really supportive and has made me feel better. Today is his big official moving day, so I doubt I'll see him... he won't be at work, at least. Big day, though. It's kinda funny just how excited I feel for him. I know he's felt a little weird about still living at home at 23 when there was no real reason for him to be, and same goes for his equally cute equally emo best friend... so the fact that they decided to just go out and do this already is pretty cool. Respect.

Yeah, I'm awake at ass o'clock again. It's not great, it's become a very bad habit of mine... there's maybe one night a week where I manage to actually sleep through the night. But I wake up and I just can't get back to sleep without waking up and doing something for a bit. Then I'm good. Plus the fact that I often wake up because I gotta pee... damn my bladder.

And back to bed I go for an hour and a half or so.


2009-07-15 at 4:41 a.m.