It all started off innocently enough, with a few little snags along the way. I really wanted to give this "just friends" thing the good ol' college try. He came to pick me up last night because we discussed on the phone our desire for Wendy's... we were going to go through the drive thru there then go back to his place to watch the movie we rented last Friday that should have been returned last Saturday... and while we were waiting for a break in traffic to pull out of my parking lot, he started rubbing my leg. Then he quickly pulled his hand away and was like "I'm sorry, that was just habit."
So we then ended up back at his place, me with a delicious Baconator in hand... and, yeah, watched There Will Be Blood... pretty much sitting at opposite ends of the couch, not touching at all. Then part way through the movie I started whining about how I wanted beer... there goes my sobriety. It's been a shitty week, what can I say? And I'm weak. So after the movie we went and picked up some beer... came back to his place, started drinking... then I was about to start playing Rock Band by myself while he was playing his computer game and he was like "Oh, gimmie a hug first." So we hugged, and I kinda felt something, and he was like "Yeah... that kinda gave me a hard-on. I'm sorry." And I'm all "Don't be sorry, it's all good." Then after I stopped playing Rock Band he wanted another hug, just cuz the last one was so good, I guess. So we hugged then when we pulled away we were just standing face to face looking at eachother and you JUST KNEW that one of us was going to kiss the other one. And, yeah, he kissed me. Just a little closed-mouth kiss, though.
Then after some more drinking I decided I wanted chips and he wanted chocolate, so I volunteered to venture out for that and, yeah, he gave me another kiss. So, yeah, go out came back, we ate and drank and somehow we started talking about how we clearly have a hard time resisting the other one... how we both very desperately wanna be friends because we don't want to lose the other one but at the same time there's soooooo much sexual tension there... then there was some making out... and stuff... then late in the evening when I was practically just passed out on his couch he was like "So are you going to spend the night just on the couch?" And I was like "Um... I don't know..." And he said "It's up to you..." and I said "Well it's kinda up to you too..." So he asked if I wanted to come to bed with him. And I did. And we had amazing sex. Then pretty much both promptly passed out.
I don't even think it was the liquor that caused us to have sex. I think it would have happened regardless. Ugh. I don't want to stop seeing him completely just so this will stop happening... I said how us being just friends is something we're actually going to have to work hard at, cuz it won't just come to us as easily as I thought it would, at least. I just love him too much, I'm too physically attracted to him, the sex is so good... gah, it's hard.
Giggles was all kinds of not impressed when I told her what happened. Well, you know, the best friend hates seeing me continually going back to the guy who has put me through so much shit. But I've already decided, although I don't know how well this is going to work, that I am not going to be hurt by this again. Just... no. I don't have it in me. Giggles can think what she wants... I don't exactly like any of the random men she keeps dragging into her life either.
Anyways, I need to get dressed then go get a lovely hangover lunch at my friendly neighbourhood McDonalds. Then tonight I'm going to do something with ADD. Should be interesting.