So on Friday night when Capital City Guy went off to the semi-goth girl and asshole's place to watch some dumb movie, I went to Giggles' place to drink with her roommate/fuck buddy and his friend. It was a lot of fun, we all wandered around the ghetto where they live for a while, then drank a bit by the water. It was a lot of fun.
Then around 2 Capital City Guy called me all pissed off that I wasn't over there. I didn't actually say that I'd go over there for sure, I said maybe... and I was having fun and had kind of lost track of time and stuff so, yeah, I hadn't made it over there. But he was PISSED. He called me twice and hung up on me twice as well, saying all this dumb and hurtful shit to me. I was so done with him.
At this point it was just me and Giggles' roommate's friend alone in her room, because the two of them went off to do whatever. Him and I had been talking a lot that evening, we had hit it off pretty well... then when he witnessed what just happened on the phone with Capital City Guy he was very sympathetic... saying everything I wanted and needed to hear at that moment. And, um... can anyone see where this is going? Do I really need to say more?
I was drunk, I was really mad at my boyfriend, and I had this really cute sweet guy who had been great to me all evening. I did what I think most human beings in that situation would do. We didn't have sex, but we fooled around quite a bit and we spent the night together sleeping in Giggles' bed. I'm not proud of what I did, but I did it and the regret I feel is surprisingly minimal. And also at the time, I was pretty convinced Capital City Guy and I were done. The phone conversation we just had pretty much made it seem that way.
But then yesterday... yeah. The apology came. Said he wasn't really like that, didn't mean anything by it, and would never act that way towards me again. And I've pretty much forgiven him... but it's made me realize a lot. Him and I have had our problems since the beginning and lately he's just been driving me away more and more. We fight so much, then he just blows up at me because I'm out having fun with other people when he thinks I should be home with him. I don't need that from him, I don't need that from anyone. We haven't broken up... I spent yesterday evening as originally planned with him and his family that had just come to town, then last night him and I after we got back from that had a really nice evening together but... yeah, this morning it got stupid again and just... I need some time to think.
So I dunno. I dunno. Life is fucked and crazy and I don't know what to do. This guy wants to hang out tomorrow, and I probably will. I'm so confused and sad and angry... gah. This is probably gonna end up all blowing up in my face very soon.