Ugh, I'm so lazy. I should be packing and cleaning and stuff, just like I should have been doing last night, but I just can't. Can't get inspired. I'm starting to get pretty freaked out now about this move. It's such a huge huge thing. I'm going to be living with a complete stranger. And I don't feel quite as good as I did before about running into Capital City Guy's arms if something goes wrong. I feel I need this, though... cuz I don't want to live in my parents' basement anymore, I don't want to work at that store anymore... I'm not as anti-Nutty McShitville as I was, just cuz I've made some friends and have had some fun... but this town is missing something that I feel I need. And I don't even know what that is yet, but a part of me feels like I will find it in Capital City.
So that guy... who I might as well nickname something... Prince Albert. Haha. Even though I don't know if it's a Prince Albert piercing he has or not. But anyways... Prince Albert was sending me a whole bunch of messages again last night. "I can't wait to see you again. I just have to tell you that when you were here on Saturday night you looked SO pretty that I couldn't keep my eyes off of you." And he still really wants me to come over so that we can watch a movie and cuddle or something. Oh I dunno I dunno. Then Fish is all thinking I'm mad at him because he wanted me to come over last night and I wouldn't. He sent me a message saying "There'd be lots of cuddling and fucking if you do." And I was like "You just had to add that second thing, didn't you?" So he thinks I'm mad at him. When in reality I just want everyone to leave me alone for a little while.
I'm committed to heading north with Chuckles and her friends this weekend... which I don't really want to do. Just because of the whole "I want to be ALONE!" thing. Although I'm sure it'll be fun. Either that or I'll be miserable the whole damn time. Hard to say, actually.
Thing 1 called me last night, needing assurance that you can fuck up your life and not die as a result. Because I'm apparently the poster child for this.
Sometimes I really hate the person I've become. I'm not interesting anymore. I feel like I don't feel anything anymore except for very basic emotions, and that has taken away my creativity and uniqueness. I used to be a better writer. I had more to say about how I was feeling. Now half the time I don't even know what I'm feeling. I don't even know what to do about that.