However, that being said, my first day went okay yesterday. I just hate being a newbie. I feel all awkward and loser-ish and shy. And it's a place that I really don't want to work at, I only applied there because I was getting desperate. So, in a way, even though I have a job again, I feel like I have failed. And that's not a good feeling.

I talked to 345 Guy for so long last night. A total of 6 hours... half on MSN and half on the phone. Can someone please just give me some money so that I can go visit this guy? I'd really really appreciate it. And so would he.

Ugh. I feel so shitty and depressed, I hate being in this situation. I hate being so goddamn new and awkward. I mean, I know everyone is at first and I know I'll catch on to things relatively quickly but... ugh, I just hate it I hate it I hate it. And I wish I wasn't working at this store. But, you know what, I'm gonna put up with it until at least January. I worked 4 different jobs last year, and this being my 3rd one of this year isn't much of an improvement. I think I have a problem with commitment. Or I just give up too easily.

You know what, though? My last retail job, the one I worked at for A YEAR... feels like it never happened. And I find that kind of weird. IT WAS A YEAR OF MY LIFE! SO MUCH HAPPENED! I CHANGED SO MUCH AS A PERSON DURING THAT TIME! Feels like it never happened now. That kinda bugs me.

Wow, I feel shitty right now. I wish 345 Guy was online right now. But, poor boy, I kept him up til almost 5AM his time. Well, he kept himself up, I kept telling him if he was tired he should go to bed. Especially since as the time started getting more and more ridiculous, so did he. I'll let him have his sleep now. Or whatever he's doing. I wish I could sleep some more, but that probably isn't a good idea.

However, what is a good idea? A shower. I think it'll make me feel a little bit better.