Today was a very nothing day. I feel so shitty. And I'm getting so fed up with feeling this shitty every day. I'm just so sluggish. So blah. I maybe have one day a week where I have any kind of energy, and I guess for me that day was yesterday so I'm gonna feel fucked for a while. Stupid goddamn drugs. At least when I was depressed, my rage fueled me to actually get up off my ass every once in a while.
I've been spending the last couple of days trying to forget about Squinty. My god. I'd sell my soul to be able to get over that guy. And, like... for about a week there, I was. But then drunken me had to start crying about him to the point where Thing 1 called him and... yeah, now it's all just started up again. And the guy is inaccessible as hell. He's never on Facebook or MSN anymore. And, like, he doesn't seem to ever respond to text messages. Well, at least not the drunken ones I send him. But like if I were to send him a regular text message, what would I say? It would probably just end up sounding all drunken anyway. And he might not even get it, since he shares the cell phone with his roommate. And... yeah. I just wish I could stop thinking about him.
I think what it is, is that he's the closest I've found yet to what I'm looking for. He has a very similiar sense of humour as me, extremely dry and sarcastic. He's insanely cute. Hot voice. Plays guitar. Older. Good kisser. Amazing in bed. Somewhat radical ideas floating around his derranged head. I dig that. But the guy is a prick. He has a very bizarre relationship with his roommate. And he doesn't seem as consistently interested in me as I am in him. I mean, we've had the moments where I know, I mean I can just really freakin' tell that he is just so into me. The way he looks at me and the things he says. Even the last time we were together a few weeks ago, I could really see it and it just made me feel so lovely. But then, like, all this time went by with absolutely no contact. All of a sudden, he's no longer making an effort. That hurts, man. It really does.
Wow, writing two paragraphs about that isn't exactly helping me feel any better about the whole situation and how I'm trying to forget about him.
Hey, if you know of a guy who'd be good for me, please send him over. I'd be willing to pay shipping and handling.
My mom suggested I have a nice long hot bubble bath, and I always listen to my mother (when it suits me...), so I think I'm gonna do that right now.