You know, I can't even look Bam in the eyes because his eyes are so messed up. It's like a lazy eye or he just smokes too much pot or both or... I dunno. There's something about his eyes, I just can't look at them. And I'm very much a looking right into the eyes kind of person. I think that might be part of the problem. I can't look him in the eyes.

There was a bit of a mishap this evening... nothing illegal happened, no one was hurt, but... I dunno. It just wasn't okay. And I don't ever want that to happen again. And I don't want to talk about it. And don't ever ask me about it. I won't ever tell you. And I don't know why it happened this time. If anything, it should have happened before.

I have to work today. I can't see me being able to get much sleep before then, though. And work yesterday was so bad... I just can't handle it anymore. That stupid manager that I hate so much who does not have her shit together AT ALL... she ruins everything. For real. I might end up calling in sick. Or I might just go in and then give myself permission to call in sick later in the week. I don't know. I just feel like I'm losing my mind.

This probably isn't making much sense, but oh well. I'm tired and damaged in so many ways.

Heeeey, anyone want to see a video of me giving Bam a blow job? Because such a thing exists now. Proud moment. You losing respect for me? I know I am.

Yeah. I dunno. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what's going on. I've just felt so messed up lately.