So you wanna hear about my fun day? I went to work, it was going fine and all that then, boom, my daily panic attack hits me. I get panic attacks almost every day now, usually at work. Sometimes they're not at work but, for the most part, they're at work. Today's was a little stronger than usual, though. It was bad. I managed to keep it together for the most part when I was with customers, but as soon as I could get away and find a manager to ask if I could leave, I was in tears. And, of course, today it was the manager who confronted me about this before so she was just like "You need to go to a doctor. Please." So I did.

I hate doctors, though. I went to a walk-in clinic because I don't have an actual doctor in town at all because, like I said... I hate doctors. I avoid them at all costs. I don't trust them. So I told this guy I was having panic attacks that were starting to seriously interfere with work... I mean, last week I left early because of the same thing. A while before that I left early as well. And there's been a few days where I haven't gone in at all because of it. I do believe that officially qualifies as seriously interfering with my job.

The doctor pretty much said that it sounds like the majority of my problem is the fact that I'm just not in a good situation right now, but he also put me on anti-depressants, got me a blood test because apparently diabetes and thyroid problems can cause anxiety-like symptoms (which my mom found quite amusing just now on MSN when I told her, since she happens to have both things...), and he referred me to a psychiatrist. Goodie. I'm not thrilled about the psychiatrist thing... I mean, I've done that and I swear it just screwed me up more. But whatever.

I also love (and by "love", I mean "hate") how no matter what problem you go into the doctor with, when analyzing the situation they always ask if you've had a pap test done lately. "Doctor! My eyes are bleeding!" "Do you need a pap test?" I swear to god. I appreciate the concern, but I really really do not think that's what I need right now. Save that for a day when I don't have enough other shit going down.

I went to the doctor once a couple years ago and as soon as the doctor walked into the room, even before she asked me why I had come in, she said "Have you come here to get birth control?" Um... no... See? That's why I hate doctors. They judge you, man. She took one look at me and thought I was there for birth control. Well, unless being on the pill would somehow help the fact that I was passing out all the time, that really wasn't what I needed. And if memory serves, she also offered me a pap test. Just... no. I'll let you know, okay?

So I don't think I'm going to work tomorrow. Unless I feel uber fantastic tomorrow, I'm taking the day off. And I might take Friday off too, again I'll see how I feel. I think I flipped out a little bit more than usual today. I think I need some time.