Alrighty, so it's been made pretty obvious to me that I'm not going to be able to do this job. There's a huge part of what this job involves that was not made clear to me until last night's shift, and really should have been made clear like, uh... before they hired me. Because I probably would have turned the job down if I knew.

Oh my god, you guys. Oh my god.

I'd feel like the biggest loser asshole if I quit already but... this is ridiculous. I have the day off, which is good because I appear to be upset enough about all this that I'm unable to sleep, despite being beyond exhausted. And this isn't just one of those "Oh, I'm feeling awkward and unsure of myself because I'm new" things. No. I mean, I know that feeling. And this is just way way beyond that.

And it's also not because I'm upset that I was originally told I was working until 9:00 last night, discovering after I got there that it was actually 9:30 I was scheduled until, and then ended up having to stay until 10:00. The manager ended up driving me home because I missed the bus by 10 minutes and would have had to waited 50 minutes for the next one. I didn't like that too much. Especially how on the drive home she, in her little sweet and oh so nice way, essentially started to give me more crap than she already had all during my shift. I think she's realized that I don't really have this in me. Would it be better for me to get myself fired than to quit? Maybe. Because I think I may be almost there.

I work Saturday. And I hate this only finding out about the next shift at the end of the last one thing. This is really annoying.

I'm just... my god. This is a whole new feeling that I just have not felt before. I can't do this. And I hate with a fiery passion that I feel this way, but I do. And I obviously feel this way for a reason.

Provided I can actually get some sleep (and it's so dumb that I can't, because I barely slept last night at all and now this... but I know it's because I'm upset, and I can't sleep when I'm upset), I'm going to spend my day, you know... doing something about this. Like finding another job, maybe.

This may be one of those entries I look back on a few months from now when I'm practically running the place and think "Why was I so quick to judge?" Or not. I mean, no matter what, I'll work that shift on Saturday. We'll see what happens. But I have a very strong gut instinct, one that I need to listen to more often because I've found that it's rarely wrong, and it's saying get out now. And I'd sure like to listen to it.