Well, don't they say that you shouldn't read your own Tarot cards anyway, because you're more likely to just see what you want to see? Well, probably. So I've been giving myself all this false hope. I suppose it's my fault.
And I'm still pissed off at my mom. Or I'm pissed off again. I'm not sure. She was giving me hell last night on MSN because I was just giving one word responses to things, mainly because every time I do try to tell her something, she acts like she's just not interested. So finally I decide to tell her something that I thought was important and what did she respond with? "Well, that's good. Anyways, I have to leave and make tea now. Talk to you later." Yep. So I don't know why I bother at all.
So I pretty much officially now have no one that I feel comfortable really talking to about important things. Oh, the loneliness. Actually, it's not so much that I'm lonely... I don't really get lonely. It's more that frustration I've been feeling for so long that my life doesn't really mean much to anyone... and especially to myself.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, though. It's just... I don't know. I still have that little glimmer of hope, though, that someday I'll get some brilliant idea and boom! I'll finally start living, as opposed to just existing like I have been. There is definitely a difference between living and existing. And someday I will make that transition. It's just a matter of figuring out what I want to do. I fully realize that good things will likely not come to me, I'll have to go out and find them myself. But I don't want to do that until I know for sure what I want, because I've already made a lot of mistakes when it comes to such things.
That was almost profound. Almost.
Anyways, today I'm hoping to really get some things done, since the only thing I really accomplished yesterday was spending a lot of money on things that I essentially did not need. I'm going to hopefully get some groceries today. Groceries are something that I definitely do need. Then I'll clean this filthy crackden of mine. Good times all around. Except not really.