Gaddamn. Where to start, where to start? Um... well I met up with Cute Emo Boy yesterday evening... went out for dinner... had a couple drinks... came back here... and, um... yeah. We finally, uh... did it. And first of all, how 'bout a big round of applause for the Emu for holding off so long. I think loyal readers will agree, and I'm not about to deny this fact, that in the past I've been a little quick to just fall into bed with someone. So the fact that we've been going out for two weeks before we did the nasty... impressive. And it made it, like, really exciting. The fact that the sex itself was kinda disappointing doesn't even matter, because I was just so stoked at what was happening. I think he was nervous, which is just really cute, but he's the one who steered it in that direction, so obviously he wanted to do it. So, yeah, then he spent the night here and left this morning. He is so cute. I look forward to seeing him at work tomorrow.

And the whole Male staying with Capital City Guy thing is going pretty much exactly how I figured it would. Capital City Guy is at his wit's end and it's very very disturbing having to deal with him when he's like this. I went for a walk with him this evening, then laid in bed with him for a bit while he continued to have his nervous breakdown. He was practically pleading with me to spend the night with him... and I was coming up with pretty much every possible excuse because I just did not want to. He's becoming rather... desperate. And clingy. And I don't like it. But I don't know what to do because he is in such a fragile state right now and I just don't want to push him any further. Although me managing to get out of his place tonight was a success. That took a lot of strength on my part. Because he was just... he was not a pretty sight. He has serious abandonment issues, which I hadn't realized until recently when he confessed that to me... I think that's playing a role here. He's afraid I'm going to abandon him like so many other people in his life have. I think he's also in a little bit of denial, because he referred to me as either his "girlfriend" or his "girl" at least 3 times during the time I was with him. And the Male is causing issues, because Capital City Guy thinks he's trying to get with me (which he is, but that's beside the point...), and also just because he's always there, in his space, and Capital City Guy, much as predicted, is needing some time to himself.

I think I agreed to go spend the night with Capital City Guy tomorrow, after he kicks the Male out of his place... I'd really rather not spend the whole night there, though... and I will admit a large part of that is because I don't want to run the risk of running into Cute Emo Boy on the walk homethe next morning, which I'm likely to do. That would require some explaining. And also... yeah, it's become clear that I really need to distance myself from Capital City Guy. I think it does have to be a gradual thing but it must be done.

Oh, and one last story here... after work I went to the doctor to get a new prescription for my happy pills (and on days like today, thank god I have those things...) and the pharmacy I use just so happens to be in the store Giggles works in. And when I went in I caught a brief glimpse of her, then went out of my way to avoid her for the whole time I was in the store. But then just as I was leaving, she walked by me. And dear lord, you should have seen the look she gave me. Yeahhh... I think it's safe to say we're not best friends anymore. If only she could have smartened up and gotten her shit together, then maybe we'd still be buddies. But instead we are estranged, and that look will haunt my nightmares forever.

And speaking of nightmares, I should really think about getting to bed already.