So last night was movie night at the Female's place. First of all, her and Capital City Guy should have taken into consideration how big her living room is and invited an appropriate number of people. It was a little, err... cramped as fuck. So it wasn't overly enjoyable, but it was something to do. And, yeah... Capital City Guy didn't annoy the fuck out of me... due to a combination of him being both quieter than usual and on the other side of the room. Afterwards, though, he drove me home and he was being all sweet and stuff... saying it sucked that we couldn't have sat closer together and talked, that we should hang out soon, and making sure that I didn't hate him. Then when we got here he gave me a big hug. It kind of made me feel a little strange.
Then a few minutes later he started chatting to me on Facebook... and he literally never appears online on Facebook, so it was a shock. He asked how I have been handling things and I was all "Really good, actually. I've managed to change my attitude and feelings towards you surprisingly quickly, and now think of you as just a friend." THEN HE SAYS "Oh. That's too bad, because my feelings haven't changed towards you at all. I still love you, and you're still my favourite person." YOU ASSHOLE. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THIS TO ME. So now I'm all conflicted again, and weepy... With Or Without You by U2 came on my mp3 player today at work, and I started crying. Cuz it's just true... I can't live with or without him.
However, that being said... me taking him back in any kind of way beyond friends is a big huge no because I know it would just be a temporary thing before all this crap just mounted up and exploded yet again. As much as I'm going to miss kissing him, waking up next to him, seeing him every 2 or 3 days... and as much as thinking about that is making me tear up again right now... I'm not putting myself through it again. No FUCKING way.
We also discussed my birthday... I have arranged a bar night with friends in Nutty McShitville, I can't remember if I have mentioned that in here... my birthday is next Friday, I'll be taking the Greyhound up there after work then going out on the Saturday. ANYHOOS, I had invited him up for the whole birthday celebration... I was originally planning on having him with me for the whole weekend, but now I've downgraded that to him just coming up sometime Saturday evening, in time to hit the bar, then spending the night at my parents' house (seperate rooms) before he gives me a ride back Sunday sometime. So this could all be several kinds of awkward... my parents have an ever increasing dislike towards him because of what he's put me through. And it's more than likely that Prince Albert won't come out if Capital City Guy is there, which sucks cuz I want to see him. And just... I don't know, I have mixed feelings. The night will either be fantastic or a complete disaster. But I don't have any reason to just tell him that I don't want him to come anymore, especially since he's been quite interested in meeting my friends and checking out the Nutty McShitville bar scene for a while now. And we're not currently on bad terms at all so... yeah, I said he could still come. And we will see what happens.
Anyways, I'm so tired it's unbearable. I think I'm gonna go lie down and see if I can manage a little nap.