Then I saw Fish tonight cuz I felt obligated since it had been so long and... yeah. I need to figure out the nicest possible way to tell him "I think you're a nice guy but I am not romantically or sexually attracted to you and I just can't keep going through the motions like this." I just feel bad because he definitely wants more and I just definitely don't, but he's such a sweet guy... He quite politely implied that he'd like me to blow him this evening but, like... I couldn't. Just the thought... it made me physically ill. And I really don't like kissing him... which is strange because I'm a girl who really really likes kissing people. So I need to put a stop to this. I'm just afraid of breaking his poor little vulnerable heart. It makes me sad.
I've eaten way too much today. Well work today just stressed me the fuck out that on my first break of the day, I had to go get some pizza. Then with the longer shift I was working I had 2 more breaks and both of them, I just binged. I got home and I binged. And I binged just now when I got home from hanging out with Fish. Once the nausea at the thought of giving him a blow job again wore off. Oh wait, it's back again. Well, between the nauseas here, I binged. Pretzels with salad dressing on them = a good friend.
But also a bad friend.
I had a panicky voicemail message from Thing 1 today, so I called her on my break and... god, that girl is an idiot. I didn't even totally understand what the hell she was saying but I got the jist of it, and that was that she's an idiot. And there wasn't any emergency like the message implied there was. So I was rather pissed off.
Ugh. Work tomorrow. But hey, at least I have Tuesday off. Fish wants me to spend Monday night with him but... gah. I dunno. I shouldn't. I don't know what to do. Then Tuesday evening it's off to Heroin River once again. Goddamn, we end up going there a lot. I also should maybe do laundry sometime in there. I'm running out of essentials like socks and underwear. And tomorrow after work I might possibly buy some clothes... Emu needs a white bra because she's been without one for some time, ever since she outgrew the one she had... and, you know, a lot of shirts... black bras just don't work. Also Emu wants some kind of cute-type shirts that would work for going to the bar or whatever because she often ends up wearing Thing 1's outcasts when she goes out because they're the only things she "owns" that seem fitting for such an occasion. And, um... possibly new work pants and work shoes. And $150 later, she might be done.
Don't you love how I just launched into third person in the middle of that last paragraph there? Inappropriate.
Anyhoos... should probably be hitting the hay. I'm tired.