Or something.

Ugh. All around ugliness with 345 Guy last night. He puts me to shame in the jealousy department, let me tell you what. And it was because of Capital City Guy, of course. Like... I've said this so many times with several guys... I don't feel the need to lie about things that don't need to be lied about. 345 Guy asked me what I was going to be doing today, I told him that I'd be cleaning and maybe doing some packing during the day, then Capital City Guy was gonna come over and we'd watch a movie or something that evening.

He didn't handle this well at all. And my god, he can say some cruel things sometimes. So we started flipping out at eachother and eventually we both calmed down but... if he's ALWAYS going to be like this, I won't be able to tolerate him for much longer. I know that the distance between us makes things difficult because it adds a lot of uncertainty but... he's gotta at least make an effort to mellow out.

So I have been cleaning this morning... despite appearances when you glance around my apartment. But I did dishes and scrubbed my bathtub and shredded some documents that needed shredding and made a serious dent in the mess that was piling up on my desk. Oh, and I cancelled that thing that I really didn't need. The guy practically friggin' pleaded with me not to, but I was persistant, without being bitchy. Because... be nice to call centre people, you guys. It's a bullshit job. They're just tryin' to make a living.

My boss called me today... she asked me if I wanted to pick up a shift tomorrow and even though I most certainly do not, I cannot turn down money. So now my 5 day weekend has become a 4 day one. I guess I can't complain, that's still pretty sweet.

I've been thinking SO MUCH about my upcoming move. I swear to god, I'm not going to fall back into old habits. I'm not moving back home, what I'm doing is moving into someone's basement. The fact that my parents are going to be my landlords is insignificant. I will continue to lead my very independent life. Hopefully my parents and I will rarely see eachother. Not that I don't love my parents, but it will be much easier psychologically for me if I lead a life that is at least 90% seperate from their's. Then it's not so much like I'm living at home again, I'm a kid again, I can't function without my mommy. It's just... I'm renting someone's basement suite. And how tempted am I to buy a little bar fridge? Very. You can get one for, like, 100 bucks. And I already have a microwave and dishes so... I'd never have to leave my room. My room would be very full, but I would be self-sufficient. My dad said something about maybe letting me have run of the rec room as well. He barely uses it anymore, and he wants to convert the storage room into a room for him to hang out in. So... hellz to the yeah, I hope this happens. But I won't hold my breath.

Anyways, I'd like to take a quick shower, have a quick lunch, then do a bit more cleaning before 345 Guy gets off work and comes on MSN. Then, yeah, I'll talk to him, clean, and other stuff then... Capital City Guy tonight. And me and him are just going to hang out. It will be fun and innocent. But I swear if I still find myself consumed with guilt... well, I just don't know what I'll do.