But... yeah. I started at 8 and was supposed to work until 4:30, but at 1:00 I just all of a sudden got this feeling like I couldn't be there anymore. Like, it wasn't a panic attack, it was just this gut feeling. I had to leave. So... I did. I told management that I wasn't feeling well, but I could tell that they didn't believe me. They let me leave anyway, though. But I think even if they had said no, I would have done it anyway. It was the strangest feeling, though. I just knew I couldn't stay there a second longer. I don't know what was up with that.
I had a quick look at the new schedule for the week starting December 31 and jeez, the cut backs are starting already. Only 4 shifts that week. I can't remember the times or which days they were, but I'm pretty sure at least two of the shifts were less than 8 hours. 8 hour shifts are what I typically get. Yeah, I mean I'll double check this when I'm back in there on Saturday, but I do believe I had two 8 hour shifts and two six and a half hour shifts. And the mall is open on New Years Day, so they can't use one less day in the week as an excuse. Dude. I cannot survive on that. I understand cut backs after Christmas are a harsh reality in the retail field... I'm lucky I'm not getting laid off entirely, which is what has often happened to me with jobs when January comes around.
But goddamn it all to hell, I'm either going to have to get a whole new full time job entirely (my first choice, but a damn near impossible one), get a second part time job (about the last thing I want to do), or just admit defeat and start looking into getting a roommate. Which would mean moving, of course. Because if I were to have someone else move into this little one bedroom here, it would have to be someone I liked a whole lot. And such a person does not exist. I don't particularly want to move, though. But jeez.
Sometimes I think I moved away from home just entirely too soon. I am obviously not cut out for this whole living on my own thing. I feel like I'm just entirely too stupid to survive like this.
I have tomorrow off, I'm going to do some thinking, some research, and find my dad a goddamn Christmas present already. I've never been this late in finishing my Christmas shopping. What is up with that?