Ooookay. So today one of the managers took me aside... she was apparently under the impression that I want to quit because of her, which made me feel EXTREMELY bad. This also surprised me, because I really had no idea what I had done to make her think this. I have no issues with each individual member of management. As a whole they all kind of piss me off a little, but individually they're all good people. So I was all like "What?! No, of course not!"

The only thing I could figure... on Friday, when I was so upset, she was one of the first people to ask me what was wrong and at that point, I was just not able to talk about it, so I said something to the effect of "Nothing. Or whatever. I don't want to talk about it." And I ran away before I started crying again. Then later on I ended up talking to a different manager about the whole thing, so I guess maybe that's what it was that made her think that. Also, I have a suspicion that the one manager may have gotten the wrong idea about one thing I said that I didn't like about this job, and she was like "Oh, okay. I'm going to have to talk to [other manager] about that." But man! Her thinking that it was her that made me want to leave made me feel super shitty.

She was also like "You know... if there's anything that's really bothering you, or anything that you really want to change about this job, please let me know." Then she added something else about not wanting to lose me. That seems to be management's motto: "We don't want to lose you." Yeah, well, the rate I'm going... you're not gonna. So don't worry. But, you know... I can't get myself to really ask for anything else from this job. She did open up a window of opportunity there for me to ask for a raise, but... I just can't. I couldn't ask for something like that. I think it would be slimey of me. "You don't want me to quit? Give me a raise then." Yeah, man, that's just not cool. It sounds horrible.

And I was thinking. You know how when someone wants to breakup with their significant other and they say something to the effect of "It's not you, it's me."? I always thought that was so stupid and such a cop-out excuse, but that's kind of how I feel about this job. It's not them, it's me. I'm the one with the problem. I will go on the record as saying that if you're crazy enough to want a retail job, you should definitely definitely go and work at this store, because it's a great environment. If that's what you're into. But you know me. I'm not. But I wish I was, because I do kind of feel like I'm fucking up a sweet job and a great opportunity here just because I have this notion in my mind that I'm not cut out for this, despite the whole of management telling me otherwise.

Oh, I don't know. Time for Tetris now.