Yep.
Last night at around 2 I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I went on the computer and Capital City Guy was on MSN and we started talking. He was on a late night drinking binge because he found out on Facebook that his infamous ex-girlfriend was now "In A Relationship". And... it just went down from there. How he's still madly in love with her. How right now he really only wants to get seriously involved with someone that he could see being good wife-material, and I'm not. How we're missing some kind of higher emotional bond that I apparently cannot wrap my head around. How he just wants to keep things casual between us. How I have my priorities screwed up because I want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend as more of a status thing than me just accepting that what we have is what we have.
And I'm just thinking "You cruel motherfucker. You shouldn't have told me so many times that you love me, then." Because that's when I let my guard down. Because it's been pretty high with him. Because I knew he still had feelings about his ex. When he said things about how he was finally over her and that he loved me I very stupidly believed it.
So by 3:30 this morning I'm absolutely bawling my eyes out, to the point where my dad knocks on the door to make sure I'm okay. It just... it hurt, man. It was harsh. So we're gonna keep "seeing" eachother, but I'm training my brain to think of him as nothing more than a fuck buddy. I know he does still like me in a romantic way but I refuse to be interested at all in someone who is just so stuck in the past, still in love with someone else. It just hurts way too much. And that whole thing about us missing something that I can't grasp... whatever. I don't see him as marriage material either, but marriage is the last thing on my mind. I just want a boyfriend who loves me. Whereas he wants a wife, and nothing less.
Whatever.