Remember how in my last entry I was okay with the whole Capital City Guy thing? Yeeeeeeah. Me thinks I had too much time thinking about it yesterday because I'm not so okay with it again. I also had a phone call from Thing 1 and I told her about it, and her reaction was pretty much exactly like my mom's: "Dump him." But I reeeally do like him, I think that's what this is starting to bother me again. I want him alllll for my very own. And I don't want to, like, start threatening him or anything but I think, even if it's just through Facebook messages, I should let him know that he needs to do something about this or I'll soon be gone.

(Even though I probably won't be because, you know... I'll put up with an almost infinite about of crap from the opposite sex and still keep going back for more if I feel that guy is "worth it" and he will probably always fall into that category in my mind...)

I hate my life.

I work today. I'd rather die. Not in the mood, not in the mood... fuck my job, fuck my life, fuck it all.

You know, there's nothing on Capital City Guy's ex-girlfriend's Facebook profile that implies she's as depressed and suicidal and he says she is... on Compare People, her friends have voted her #5 Best Dinner Companion... and who wants to have dinner with a suicidal person, right? And she seems quite chipper... everyone who's written on her wall seems to like her... no one has written anything like "Nooooo, don't kill yourself because of your ex-boyfriend! Noooo!"... she's all cute with her alternative style going on there... You may think that a Facebook profile is nothing to go by but for the most part, I've discovered, without being overly morbid, us dark people do tend to give the impression we're dark on there in some way.

Have I mentioned that I've gained weight? Ugggh. Damn the anti-depressants making me sluggish, damn my mother and her tasty food, and damn my parents for insisting on driving me to and from work more often than I wish they would. My life in Cracktown was filled with considerably more physical activity and considerably less food. *sigh*

I got my mom to measure me yesterday because I swear I've grown and... yeah, apparently I have. I always used to be about 5'7 and 1/4 and now... 5'7 and 3/4... so I'm rounding that up so now, officially... I'm 5'8". TAKE THAT, SOCIETY! I'm tall.

Um... yeah. Work today. And I might be going out tonight, but it's not for sure yet... and I don't really want to because... yeah, I just don't. And... I dunno. I wish Capital City Guy was on MSN and Facebook more often than pretty much never, I want to taaaalk to him. Motherfucker needs a cell phone so I can angrily text his ass. Oh, the pain. But life IS pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

I probably slightly misquoted that just now but it's still brilliant and true.