Anyways, one point that I will repeat... Thing 1 isn't moving to the Big City anymore. Therefore I now officially have absolutely no reason to move there myself at this point in time. Still a possibility for the future, though... I mean, it always was. Always will be. Interesting city, but I'm just not ready.
So, yes, I'm going to get myself a new job here. I've ruled out Nutty McShitville once again, because the rental situation in that town is getting insanely bad... even though there's usually laws preventing cities from getting rid of apartment buildings and stuff when the vacancy rate is below 1%, they're doing it anyway... brilliant! Motherfuckers. And, of course, time with my parents made me realize that there's no way in hell I could ever live with them again so... Cracktown it is. Cracktown I will stay.
Thing 1 was here this evening for just WAY too long... hey, she's moving in with Thing 2, which is hilarious. That should be interesting. And... yeah.
Ugh. I've been so fucking depressed this last month or so, I can't even begin to tell you. I just seriously seriously sometimes want to die. I feel like I've hit a wall and I just don't know what to do. I'm just so tired... I want my life to be better, but I don't have the energy to try and achieve that. And I'm starting to hardcore withdraw from people again. I just don't want to talk to people. And I don't want them talking to me. I feel like I have no time to myself anymore, and I'm just getting so tired. Like, I'm really one of those people, because I am so shy, that I need time to myself to recharge. I don't get that anymore. All of my days off lately, which is what I used to use to rest and be by myself so that I could seriously just recharge and be able to act normal the next time I'm with people... all of my days off have been filled with freakin' people. I never have enough time to myself. I'm going insane.
And, of course, this weekend... I get Sunday and Monday off before working another at least 5 days. And who's supposed to be in town Sunday and Monday? Freakin' Squinty. And, of course, I want to see him. I want to spend as much time with him as I can. But at the same time I know it's going to end up killing a good part of me that isn't already dead, and I'm just going to be a complete zombie like I ended up being last time with him after I was with him for too long. Seriously... okay, and this is what I ended up going off about during my first attempt at an entry but... I can only be interesting for so long. You spend too much time with me in one sitting... yeah, I'm going to withdraw. I'm going to get miserable and you'll start to hate me. And I was reading old messages on Facebook/MySpace/MSN from Squinty and Bam and... my god, they were both saying the exact same things about me, just after they had first met me. How they thought I seemed interesting and fun. But that was before either of them spent enough time with me to see my darker side. And we all know what happened with Bam... (well, okay, not really... even I'm not totally sure what happened with Bam, but I know it had something to do with that). And Squinty... I think maybe he's handled my darkness a bit better, but at the same time I can't really see him being the type who'd be willing to put up with me.
Anyways... not talking about that again. Emu needs to stop looking to other people to help make her feel validated as a human. Ugh. I'm so tired of it all. If it weren't for the fact that I desperately need the money and management has gotten to the point of hunting down and killing employees who don't show up for work... I'd take tomorrow and probably Friday as well and just stay at home. Not go outside, not answer my phone, just rest.