Me likes that song. A little old school Matthew Good Band, if you please.
Anyways... work started off all bad today. I stood outside of the store for, no word of a lie, 10 minutes this morning waiting for officially my LEAST FAVOURITE manager to come and let me in, because I was starting before the store opened. Most of this time I could see her, but she either didn't notice me or was just ignoring me, the jury is still out on that. I was starting to resort to ridiculous things to get her attention. That was insane. And then she wondered why I was pissed off when she finally came to let me in? Yeah, hmm, I wonder...
Then today another manager took me aside and kind of interventioned me, in a way. Like, um... I don't know if you've ever had a boss tell you to seek medical help for your apparent depression, but that's what she did. I. Was. Floored. My first instinct was to react with extreme anger, but she seemed like she was legitimately concerned for my well being and... well, I didn't really know what to do. She said how my behaviour reminded her a lot of how she was acting and feeling a few years ago, and how she went to the doctor and got put on anti-depressants and it made everything a lot easier for her. First of all, while I'm sure my lack of enthusiasm is quite overwhelming at times, I didn't think I was showing any signs of being depressed. And, much like I said in my last entry, I still claim to not be depressed. But this made me feel hugely bad, and I had to go have a little cry afterwards. I wasn't about to start crying infront of her, though, because I think she probably would have just taken that as me reaffirming her suspicions. Her concern did kind of touch me in a way, though. I've never had that many people reach out to me like that.
Like I know I've probably talked about in here before, though, I've been on anti-depressants... I don't remember them really making me all that much happier, I just remember them making me gain 40 pounds. So I think I'm entirely justified in being hesitant to go that route again, despite both my mother and my freakin' boss thinking I should. And, like I said, I don't think I'm depressed. I still have too much hope in me to be depressed. I'm still able to face the world, and I'm not thinking of offing myself in any way, so I'm fine. I'll let you know when that changes, though.