Luckily I Still Realize That Things Will Eventually Get Better

So either my door was not fixed, or it was not fixed well. Either way, I'm pretty upset.

Work today was hellish, brutal, I hated every second of it and I never want to go back.

Goddamn. I mean, I know probably most of this is all in my head but... I just have not been having a good time at all lately. And you know things have gone from bad to worse when I start telling my mom about how miserable I am. I mean... I don't want to worry her, but at the same time I really don't want her to think I'm doing well when I'm not. So she's all wanting me to go to the doctor who will give me medication that will make me artificially happy again, and she's all "We'll help you pay for any prescriptions too, if you need it. And you should come home this weekend. We'll pay your bus fare."

So... yeah. First of all, I'm not keen on this whole doctor/prescription thing. I don't think I need to be medicated, I just think I need to get myself into a situation that doesn't fucking bother me so much. And, hey, I've done the anti-depressant thing in the past... the sickest I've ever been in my ENTIRE LIFE was when I first went on the things, I litterally got every single possible side effect. And I also gained 40 pounds while I was on them too, despite the drug's claims that it does not make you gain weight. Also, that whole period of my life is a bit of a blur now... I'm not even sure if I was any happier while I was taking those drugs. All I really remember is being pretty disgusted at how much weight I gained. So, needless to say... I'm not keen on even toying with the notion of getting put on any such medication ever again.

Going home this weekend, though? I wouldn't mind. The only thing is the timings of the buses don't work out very well for me. And... yeah. Well, I'll think about that one. But I'm sure if I did go home, it would be nothing but my mom giving me pep talks the whole time and whatnot which wouldn't really be bad... but it wouldn't really be good, though, either. I don't want her to be overly concerned about me... but the only way to prevent that would be to downright lie to her about how I'm doing. And I can only do that for so long.

Sorry for the darker than usual entry but... whatever.


2006-11-14 at 3:56 p.m.